Running With Dogs

What is it with these freakin’ people who feel the need to ride their bikes and have their dog run along side of them? Are they f*&*^* insane? The poor dog looks like it’s going to pass out. Do these people ever think that the dog is tired, maybe has a headache that day or is just feeling lazy?! I wonder if they’d make their kids run alongside too!

My dog is my child and I couldn’t even imagine doing this to him. To me this is animal abuse and these people are inconsiderate a-holes. And never mind the fact that they’re “exercising” their precious pooches on busy main roads jammed with traffic on some of the hottest days of the year. God forbid the poor animal gets loose from its leash or the moron pet owner lets the leash go if he or she falls off the bike!

I can’t contain myself from spouting an assortment of expletives to these bastards as they ride by! “How about you drive your dog to a lovely park where it can walk at a leisurely pace? Better yet, how about your dog hops in the back seat of my air conditioned car with a fresh bottle of water and we’ll tie you to the leash and you can run alongside the car while me and Fido drive home, Asshole!”

Supermarket Check Out Germs

Let me start off by saying that I don’t consider myself a true “germaphobe” but I definitely have a LIMIT!

It was my typical Sunday weekly food shopping excursion and I was about to check out. I get on line, start to unload my groceries at the register and that’s when I nearly flipped my lid. No sooner did I start to put food down onto the belt, the cashier sneezes into her hand and then continues to ring up food for the customer in front of me. Holy Shit! Are you kidding me/! My skin started to crawl! But what baffled me the most was that the woman in front of me didn’t even say anything to this cashier and it was her food she was touching! Sitting there right in front of her was a bottle of antibacterial foam that she didn’t even bother to use.

As soon as she was finished with the other customer she was about to start to ring me up when I screeched, “YOU NEED TO USE THAT ANTIBACTERIAL SANITIZER BEFORE YOU TOUCH MY F&*^%$^ FOOD!”

Well, she looked at me like I had 5 heads. I could have cared less who the hell heard me or if the people behind me thought I was insane. She did use the sanitizer and gave some response in her broken-English. From now on, I ring up my own groceries at the self-scan.

The Diner

Who doesn’t love the diner on an early Sunday afternoon? It’s all about the disco fries; need I say more?  My husband, Bill and I typically go to the local diner for Sunday brunch.  And this Sunday was no exception.  As creatures of food-habits, we already know what we’re going to order.  Bill always gets pancakes and eggs, sometimes steak as well and I always get Disco fries with a gyro Panini!

Anyway, when we got to the diner, it was packed.   I mean you’d think that Snooki and The Situation were waiting tables or something!  Well, we finally got our booth, sat down and began to peruse the menus (I don’t know why we go through the ritual of menu review – - we know what we’re going to order!)

While reading through the salad options (whatever), I became painfully aware that there was so much freakin’ noise coming from all around me that I actually was getting dizzy.  Suddenly the table behind me erupts into a damn free for all!  You would have thought they were celebrating the royal wedding!  All of these people just crowded around this booth of four people to the point that I couldn’t even hear my husband speak.   WTF is so important on a Sunday afternoon to cause such a clusterf**k in a diner?!  It was like rush hour traffic on the GW Bridge! 

Isn’t Sunday supposed to be the day of rest?  So settle down the commotion, go back to your own booths and rest your mouths around your turkey sub, your chicken in a basket or your veggie burger and let me eat my disco fries in peace!!!

Home Improvement Stores

Does anyone else feel anxiety when they walk into one of these giant “home improvement” stores?

I had to go with a friend on Saturday who’s decided she’s going to paint her apartment. Hire a friggin’ painter already.  As we got inside this monstrosity, I totally got so anxious and neurotic – -  the noise, the crowds, the aisle signs in two languages and the employees wearing aprons!

I have no f$%#@ clue where anything is and the people working there are scattered around like ants in an ant farm so you have no idea where to find help. And when you do approach an apron-wearing worker, they never work in the department you are standing in!  WTF?

There are so many gadgets and do-dads.  And when you finally find what you need, they are out of it or what they have is damaged! Of course, don’t even think about having them call another store to see if the another store may have the product you are looking for… you could be there til Kingdom Come!  It’s like a wild goose chase!!  Next time, I will send my husband!!

Coffee Kvetching

So, like any other day, I stopped for my large Iced Coconut latte-extra shot of espresso-5 Equals-and-regular milk.  I honestly don’t think that’s too much to handle. Do you?

Well, apparently regardless of the “coffee shop” I go to, coffee is the new Rocket Science! I was not aware that you need a Ph.D. to make a latte.  I will NEVER understand what is so f@*%ing difficult about listening to the coffee order and taking it.  I can barely get the damn order out of my mouth before the genius behind the counter assumes what I want as soon as I say “large.” So, lately I have to ask the server behind the counter to actually listen and let me finish my entire order before walking away.

Of course, the typical response is the eye rolling, pressed lips and a bobbing head. IMAGINE! And that flips my bitch-switch.

When they finally finish making the latte after I had to repeat the order at least 5 times, guess what?  It’s F%&@ wrong!!!!!!!!

Enough already!  I can’t stand this anymore.  Finally, they fix it  - – after only 29 more times of repeating the order – - and I go.

Until tomorrow…